The Leader In You

 

The Leader In You

 

I am sure you all agree with me that we are emphasizing on developing leadership qualities for our children from an incredibly early age. Leadership as a concept was earlier discussed in the business schools and now it is taught in schools. There are schools that are focused just on developing the leader with in you. This is an incredible initiative because as I always said: It is better to train little children than to repair broken adults.

Let us look little deeper into this phenomenon as to why teach leadership at an early age. As a Life Skills Coach and a Corporate trainer and having worked with kids and adults closely to help them be the best version of themselves, I have come up with my narrative on essentials of leadership training.

Let us first understand what leadership is:  I am not referring to any book-written definition here. In simple words, leadership is a combination of certain positive values in a person which are rarely found in others, which are crucial, which generate followership along with respect and one who is a good listener, or in simpler terms, a leader is a sum of values and skills that he possesses. Now, the beauty is that those skills that a leader possesses are basic skills, but they are crucial and critical. Though they are basic they are not widely found.

Let us take it a step further and start attaching skills to this broad definition. When we say that leader has positive values, we mean a leader is honest, has integrity, takes ownership of his action, has a vision, is resilient, can rise from the dust, and is a great listener. These are just a few, there are many more. These are nothing but essential life skills which you need any which ways to live a balanced life. When we say that a leader is a person who can generate followership along with respect, we are essentially saying that a leader is a great communicator. He is the person who can drill an idea, share his vision, and get people committed to a common goal. He can get people to believe in what he believes.

We can therefore say that a leader is a summation of critical and crucial life skills and communication skills, which is also an important life skill according to me.  Again, the question arises, why teach all this at an early age? The reason is quite simple: it is particularly important to have the right proportion of all these skills in the right balance to get an effective and efficient leader. We can say that an efficient leader is one who thinks right, listens right, and speaks right.

Let us understand this with an example:

I am taking a tennis game example here as we just watched the US Open. My views are simply stated here to quote an example and in no means are targeted to any race or ethnicity or religion or person.  We all saw that Novak Djokovic accidentally hit the line judge and he was disqualified. He apologized, tried to explain, but in the end, folded his hands, and obeyed the law. Getting disqualified from US Open is a big thing. I urge you to view the below video and see what he has to write after getting disqualified.

https://youtu.be/XRuu2-VIw5o: Novak hits the line judge US Open 2020

  

 I do remember another similar incident US Open Women’s Final 2018, The comeback year of Serena Williams, playing against Naomi Osaka. I am sure you all remember the temper tantrums of Serena towards the end of the game when she felt that she was being defeated by a first-timer Naomi who grew up idolizing Serena. Serena threw her racket, abused the umpire, and started shouting out of panic of losing. Naomi, on the other hand, kept herself focused on the match. Obviously, Naomi won, she was the first-ever Japanese to win the US Open. What a proud moment for herself and the country. Now you must watch her acceptance speech at the award ceremony. She apologized to the crowd saying that: she is sorry, as this was not the outcome they wanted. The whole stadium was rooting for Serena. You must watch the below videos to understand what I am trying to say here.

https://youtu.be/uiBrForlj-k : Serena Williams temper tantrums US Open Final 2018

https://youtu.be/jCm3BemDlj8 : 2018 US Open Award ceremony Naomi and Serena

 

 

The point I am trying to make here is our children can have loads of self-confidence, can be good speakers as well, and can be successful. They would not be called a leader if they do not have the right mix of values and skills to cope up with any devastating situation along with their communication. It is very easy to get high pitched and start speaking your mind without seeing right or left, it is difficult to maintain a calm composure and focus on the outcome and use all your skills wisely.  It is the balance of thinking, listening, and speaking which makes you a leader. So many times I run across parents who are like: “my child is very confident, he can speak up for himself, he is a born leader, he doesn’t need to be trained, he does a sport”. Agreed, your child has great confidence but how is he using it? How are his listening skills? How are his thinking skills? You do not want him to be brash in pursuit of being independent. That is where the balance is needed. Those kids would be successful because of their confidence and ability to speak, but would they be leaders? Would people believe in them? Would people follow them?  Would people respect them? The answer is NO.

I highly recommend you all to watch these three videos. All three of them are successful but only two of them are true leaders. As parents, it is our duty to give them an opportunity to strike that balance between thinking, listening, and speaking right. Your child might be a very self-confident speaker but look closely, is he a good listener/ is he thinking right always? He might need to work on those skills. Unless these three things are in a perfect balance, you will not get a leader.  

This is the reason the schools are also now giving importance to skills and values along with academics and sports. Enrich the child with those crucial life skills which if inculcated at the right time and in the right proportion can produce a leader.

I feel that a leader does not need any formal title. Count your child a leader, if he is thinking about the person sitting to the right and left of him. Count him a leader if he is resilient in these difficult and testing times and understands the gravity of the situation that we all are facing as humankind.  Celebrate the leader in you and your children and always strive to strike that perfect balance. Every situation would require a new you, keep learning, unlearning, and relearning and you are a Leader!!

 

https://youtu.be/uiBrForlj-k : Serena Williams temper tantrums US Open Final 2018

https://youtu.be/jCm3BemDlj8 : 2018 US Open Award ceremony Naomi and Serena

https://youtu.be/XRuu2-VIw5o: Novak hits the line judge US Open 2020

COVID is VIVID: Finish Strong

                                                                             

COVID is VIVID

COVID-19 outbreak has taught humanity a lot of things. They say that everything happens for a good reason. Which means, everything that happens is not good but happens for a good reason. We might not know the reason right away, but, in retrospect, we will get the 'why' behind every situation.

What can be the potential good reason behind the Corona Virus Situation? I truly believe that the universe is preparing us for what is going to unfold shortly. This is the time to invest the skills which would come handy in the future. The universe first prepares us and then puts us in the situation. I have come up with these essential skills that COVID-19 is teaching us:

Solitude

 I would like to rephrase the term" Social Distancing" with SOLITUDE. From time immemorial, we all have known the benefits of solitude. It is a great place to visit but not that great a place to stay. Every human being should practice visiting solitude. People spend thousands of dollars on vacation packages to get privacy and solitude. The mother nature today has given us that opportunity to experience it from the comfort of our home and with our family.

Experience the immense benefit of solitude and silence. When you cannot look outside the only place that's left is to  LOOK WITHIN. Take up a new routine, try meditating, listen to high vibrational music and keep the vibrations of the house high. Any kind of negative energy be it in the form of a disease cannot live in a High Vibrational place. 

It takes 21 days to form a new habit. We all are mostly going to work from home for 2 weeks which means it is the best time to take up new personal habits and weave them in your life.

Here are some of Deep Breathing and Meditation videos. Do try it and take it up as a family activity. Remember, kids always learn what you do not what you say. Keeping a calm mind in any situation as the most important skill you might ever teach your children.

Meditative Mind: healing music     https://youtu.be/jK2hS40pr-g

Tibetian Healing Sound:  https://youtu.be/OW7TH2U4hps   

Guided Meditation to Yoga Nidra:  https://youtu.be/7H0FKzeuVVs 

Family Bonding:

Take a deep breath and look around. This is one of the most precious moments wherein you are surrounded by only those people who matter the most in your life. Mother nature is telling us to focus on what is important. The purpose of our existence is in front of us. We all know that we have neglected our family time a lot of times. Our social commitments, networking dinners, parties with friends and get-togethers have moved us away from each other. This is the time to bring it all back. Cherish every moment that you are spending with your loved ones safe in your house.

The whole world today is forced to stay only with family. Take this time to equip your children with the skills needed for this decade. We certainly cannot win a new battle with old weapons. Today the skills that we need to teach our kids are resilience, persistence, responsibility and financial literacy. We are on the foothills of recession and our kids need to understand the repercussion of these situations. Not everything is learned in the schools, there is a lot that you can teach them. This is the perfect time to have those conversations. Believe me, these testing times are the best times to ingrain a life lesson. The receiver is very vulnerable, and the impact is long-lasting.

Resilience

I would say, this is the number one and the most important skill for the coming decade. As Sheryl Sandberg says: " You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. Like a muscle, you can build it up. "

Today when the world is facing a rapid transition and an economic recession is looming over all of us, it is very important to teach our kids to bounce back from failures, cope up with stress and keep moving forward.

Some are born resilient and others must work their way into it. Some ways to build this skill is through:

Reframing the situation: look at the brighter side of every situation

Meditate: look within for all your answers and things will start to fall in place

Visualize, how bad could it be: By this I mean, visualize that things could have been a lot worse. You will start appreciating the current situation.

Daily Journal: Form a habit of writing a daily journal and start with 3 things that happened in the day which you are grateful for. You will slowly build up on your gratefulness reserve. Also, daily journaling will help you to document your failures and mistakes and have a clear perspective on the same.

Financial Literacy

We all need to be financially literate. This is a great time to strike those financial conversations with your kids. Remember, you must teach them how to nicely survive in the recession and thrive in a boom. Teach them both and keep them ahead of the curve.  Some ways that you can do this is by teaching them to invest in stocks and explaining to them how the market works. The only way to be successful is to have your money work when you are asleep. Today is the best day to talk about this and help them to face this decade strongly.

Mindfulness

Today the whole world's safety has boiled down to a small task done mindfully and that is: washing hands properly for 20 seconds. This might look like a small thing but imagine if not done correctly, it can bring the entire human race to its knees.

This is life, it lies in small things, small pleasures, small tasks. Keep doing them mindfully and bigger things will be taken care of. This is the time to teach mindfulness to kids. Mindfulness is about being conscious or aware of the present moment. Focus on this moment and do it right and the rest will fall in place. Some ways you can teach mindfulness to kids is:

Gratitude journal: Have your kids maintain a gratitude journal. They will learn to record their day mindfully. You can order one from amazon and gift them. Here is the link to the one that I always gift my students: https://www.abebooks.com/Good-Days-Start-Gratitude-Week-Guide/30225630366/bd?cm_mmc=ggl-_-US_Shopp_Trade-_-new-_-naa&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9dX5tZGo6AIVpP_jBx0YCwBzEAkYBiABEgL4xvD_BwE

Eating Mindfully: Have a noise-free eating policy. No gadgets, no TV, no texting on the dinner table. Have them concentrate on food and eat. Talking to the family members is ok but no talks about how stressful the day was. All of that can wait till the dinner is over. Only positive thoughts are discussed while eating. This looks like an easy practice, but it is easier said than done. Take this opportunity to start this practice while all of you are at home and having all the meals together.

In the end I would conclude by saying that; Nothing is a coincidence, and everything is pre-planned for a good reason. We will all come out stronger from this but let's all learn from this pandemic. Stay safe and make the most of this Solitude. This won't last long!!

 Intangible is the new in....

Being a business major and a corporate trainer; I often end up comparing our real-life situations to a corporate world situation. This is what led me to write on investments.


With the New Year in full swing as we have entered a new decade, I am totally sure, every household and every individual would have done their financial planning for the decade to come. (If not; This is the time) 


This is the time to reflect on types of investments. There are investments which have tangible benefits and there are investments which do not have tangible benefits or let’s say not tangible on the face of it. 


Let’s dig deep into it. We all would like to invest in stocks, mutual funds and bond which have a tangible benefit. We can see the gain that we would receive at the end of a period. But we all also always have a life insurance. Which does not mean that we will die, we might never be able to use that money if it is a term life insurance but, we still take an insurance because it provides us an intangible benefit. The benefit is in form of a safety net around us which we might never want to use but it is there. 


Now here’s the point to ponder, we truly never understand the importance of a life insurance up until we see someone who was the bread winner and lost his life and does not have a life insurance. This keeps the bereavers stranded. That day, we all feel, how crazy, he didn’t have an insurance? But, do we go and celebrate the people who have insured themselves. The answer is NO. the reason is, it is given and expected.  Lesson here: The absence of an intangible investment causes a bigger damage than the presence of it.


We invest in intangible mode of investment purely based on our common sense, acumen and judgement. That’s the least expected out of us to ensure that our family is safe after us. We are not doing a big deal having insured ourselves. It’s a big deal if we have not insured ourselves.


 We don’t even think about all these things. But moment we see a person who met with a heart attack and doesn’t have a medical insurance, we feel strange. Hence, investment in intangible assets is more important than tangible ones.


Now let’s compare this with life. In our life we invest in our education. We ensure that our child should have good grades, should be going to best of university and so on. Why? Because it gives us tangible returns. You can measure the growth by ranks and marks and eventually money. You can teach him a sport and have him compete and see him win a medal or two and feel bloated about it. The more you spend, the more you feel you have invested in the future of the child. All Tangible….

But all this while chasing these tangible things we forget that it is what is inside of him that will shine out. Yes, he might go to best of the university but is he the best version of himself?  Mental Health first aid news provides some alarming statistics

1.      In the United States, almost half of adults (46.4 percent) will experience a mental illness during their lifetime.

2.      5 percent of adults (18 or older) experience a mental illness in any one year, equivalent to 43.8 million people.

3.      Of adults in the United States with any mental disorder in a one-year period, 14.4 percent have one disorder, 5.8 percent have two disorders and 6 percent have three or more.

4.      Half of all mental disorders begin by age 14 and three-quarters by age 24.

This is not something new. We have known this for long. But what is new is why so much so sudden. Why is it that this number is growing instead of coming down? 


History has shown and science has also backed that all these issues start small. Absence of life skills in children. We get so involved in the tangibles, that we forget the intangible investment. Obviously, because there is not tangible rank, grade or eventually monetary benefit associated to it. We want our kids to be wealthy nut we forget to teach them right ways to earn it. 


Now lets’ come back to our tangible and intangible argument. Investing in instilling proper skills in your child is a very thankless and intangible investment. But, as in case of all the intangible investment, even in this one, the absence of it is going to be noticed and will affect all your tangible investments. 


We do not go out of our way and praise someone for their honesty and integrity every time they show a proper behavior. But let me tell you, you will always notice an arrogant person, a dishonest person and it will make you think, why are they like this. They are like this because their parents, when they were planning for their child’s next decade they only focused on the tangibles. 


These small little life skills like honesty, accountability of time, responsible behavior, integrity, communication and so on go a long way and they might not openly benefit you in a material form, but their absence will affect your material gains. Today all the corporates are moving towards skill-based hiring. We have so many assembly line workers and artificial intelligence has taken over all those jobs. The world needs leaders. And there is no sure sought recipe to build a leader. A leader is the result of his experiences, failures and learnings. The skills that he learnt right from childhood to utilizing it in the adulthood. The leader is not always someone who always had good grades, but someone who failed, touched rock bottom and rose out of his own ashes. Integrity builds a leader, resilience strengthens him and adversity tests him. 


Parents sadly have forgotten to plan for this and not planning for these intangibles is a result we see those alarming statistics. Walk the walk and talk the talk, develop the qualities of a leader and your child will follow. Teach them to fail. Teach them to take NO for an answer. Teach them self-respect. Free loader mindset is a poverty mindset. Don’t teach them to use people. Teach them to use their two hands and two legs. You don’t need any title to be a leader. You can be a homemaker yet be a leader, you can be Janitor yet be a leader. A leader requires no titles. His qualities are those intangibles that the world has forgotten. 

Give yourself and your family a New Year gift, take a Life Skills insurance and secure yours' and your child’s mental health. You don’t need any big planning, just look with in. invest in books. If you don’t like to be treated the way you are treating others, then change it. Remember, what you give is what you get.

Notes to my daughters…..

On my Fortieth Birthday, my older daughter gifted me a journal to pen down my words of wisdom. She said: Mom keep noting down your Life Lessons. We will need it. So, here’s notes to my daughters and anyone and everyone who might stumble upon this writeup. I am praying that it reaches you at the time when you need it the most. These are some lessons I learnt in these 4 decades, some choices which I made only waiting for the time to tell whether they were right or wrong.



Embrace Yourself

You are beyond the number on the calendar and the scale. Embrace yourself fully. The people and the world around have a habit of constantly reminding us of what we don’t have, what we can’t achieve and what is not perfect.

My dear daughter: Embrace yourself with all your imperfections. You are you and just perfect the way you are. Believe me, what you have with you and around you is more important than what you would have had. Don’t stress to make everything perfect. Live in the imperfections, as they define you.



Live your life full of colors, use the whole box of crayon

At times we look out for the sunshine and at times we are the sunshine. Do not box yourself in to any stereotype. Paint the canvas of life with every color. Remember, if we never had a black or grey, we wouldn’t appreciate a green or a yellow. Even the Sun sets to rise again and the dark night follows.



Life is a sport, don’t play it safe

You will never regret the chances you took. You only regret the chances you don’t take. Take risks, seize opportunity and live life to the fullest. Let put it this way; Let’s say our life is like a vacation; We don’t visit Disney every year, when we are there, we make the most of it. Enjoy every ride, face your fears and make memories.  Enjoy this sport of life and don’t play it safe. Get messy, make mistakes and learn lessons.



You are what you think

Your thoughts always manifest into reality. Think Wisely. Think whether you should think about something or not. Do not waste the power of your thoughts on futile people and situation. If it doesn’t matter in five years, don’t spend even five minutes thinking about it.



Luxuries and lies have a huge maintenance cost: choose simplicity and truth instead

I know this will raise a lot of red flags, you might be also be out casted, but, trust me it’s all worth it. Do not get swayed into the world of showing off and fake pomp and show. Stand true to your belief and I can tell you by experience that those who are meant to stay will stay. In the end, it all boils down to the quality and not quantity. Do not get me wrong here, I am not against parties, I love them, all I am saying is stay away from the fakeness.




KARMA

This is one of my favorite quotes: No need to take revenge, those who hurt you will ultimately screw themselves and if you are lucky, God will have you watch it…

And I add to it: Your best revenge is no revenge; just move on….

You are bigger than a petty squabble, just ignore and carry on with the purpose of life. Karma is a restaurant where everyone gets served what they deserve. So, you move on, and keep your side clean.



Let go of what is hurting your Soul

Forgive and forget not because the other person apologizes, but because you need peace with yourself. Unless you do this those toxic people and situations will occupy a rent-free place in your mind and heart. Let them go and you also move on. Most of what other people do to you speaks a lot about them and not you. Do not wait for a perfect closure to a situation. Some people will never apologize because they simply can’t.



Your past is a story of past

Once you have realized this your past can never influence your future. Always travel light and remember one thing: there are only two situations in life when you cannot do anything: Yesterday and Today. So, live in present and make the most of today.



Instead of To Do List make a To Be list

Strive to Be Happy, Be Human and Be calm and reflect the same to the world. Be your own competition and always keep pursuing to align your personality to your purpose. That’s what is real accomplishment. From where I see it, let me tell you, try and be a giver. Giver always sleeps peacefully.



Build your Legacy

You may ask what my legacy is and how can I build it being so young myself. You legacy is not your money, fame and popularity, your legacy is every life that you touch, every friend that smiles because of you, every teacher that remembers you as a student and every other human being that you interact and talk to. Start building your legacy early on. Count your wealth in terms of intangibles and not tangibles. The fame and money and a great career all come to an end.





Believe in Miracles

If you believe in it, it will happen. Always be grateful for all your situations. Remember God always has a plan. I read these lines somewhere and they always stay with me when I feel down and looks like nothing is working, it says, “God, why did you put me in troubled sea? God Replied, because, your enemies can’t swim”. Always, Always, always remember that. There is a plan which you don’t know of but trust your inner voice and it will guide you.



That’s all for now…. I trust this will reach to every Soul who needs to read this….

Change is the only constant...

Change is the only Constant

I believe in this statement to my core and because of this I also believe that The more things change, the more they remain the same…

I am sure you would believe in it too. The very visible and relatable example of it is the Fashion Industry. We always see the old fashions coming back in new packaging. The wide leg pants were a thing of past, they are trendy now.

This points out to a deep psychology of us humans. We constantly need change. Fluidity is what we crave for. Hence, we keep liking to change the stuff around.  Although, there are some things that we can change and some we cannot. The wisdom lies in accepting what we can’t change and knowing what we can change.

Let’s ponder here and talk about areas where we see that old is the new new… 

Values

We are undergoing a metamorphosis of consciousness. The human race is more conscious than ever before. As a result, I believe the core human values and life lessons are the latest style statement. We are seeing it happen all around us. Mark Zuckerberg has pledged to donate a significant number of his profits in charity. The Gates family are not far behind. Philanthropy is the new brand and humility is a style statement.

Skills Based Education

It is obvious for us to now get bored with the current education system. This is something that hasn’t changed in a while. We are done with assembly line education and I can see that we are leaning towards skill-based education. We are recognizing the fact that it is more important to be mastering life skills than to get in to rat race of grades. We are more aware of the changing scenario. Again, the more it changes, the more it remains the same…. Hold on to those values and skills… your time is coming……

Lifestyle

We are going back to home made cleaners, DIY’s, minimalistic life and even the old subway tiles are back in fashion. Vintage is the new in. We prefer cast iron, clay pots and stainless steel over nonstick. We prefer copper over plastic. We are leaning back to Yoga and Meditation. We are one’s who invented the nonstick and plastic and now we are moving away from it. Again, the more it changes, the more it remains the same.

Do pour your thoughts in comments as to why we feel that more we change, the more we remain the same. I could broadly think of three points here, feel free to add to the list in the comments and throw light on more things you feel are coming back.

That time when you share the same shoe size with your child......

On this Mother’s Day, here’s to my preteenager and every other preteenager on the block. During your early childhood your mom taught you basic skills like, brushing your teeth, cleaning yourself and eating with fork and knife. So, we can say that your mom taught you to take care of body and learning those skills from her ensured that you had a smooth and a healthy childhood. Your mom in your early childhood taught you to be physically strong and independent.

Now as you are standing at very crucial crossroads of your life, you are what I call a Mini Adult. It is your mom’s duty again to share life lessons and ensure a smooth transition in to adulthood. She must make you emotionally independent and strong in this phase.

Here’s what I would like to share with you……

Be YOU

In this world where carbon copies are celebrated, Be yourself. You are unique in the way you are created and as Joanna Gaines nailed it: The World needs who you were made to be.

In the pursuit of acting cool do not leave back Yourself and the values that make You. I know, it is very difficult to always be yourselves and at times you are left alone without friends. But remember one thing, it is always better to walk alone on the right path then to follow the herd and walk the wrong path. Be original and stay away from fake people and situations.

Choose your herd wisely

As they say, ‘You are a direct product of 5  people you hangout with’. If you ever closely observe, you will always be influenced by at the most 5 people whom you regularly spend time with. This is also called your close circle. You are at the age where 4 out of 5 influencers are your friends. Choose them wisely. They will shape and influence your Being. Do not be a part of something that would embarrass your future self. This is the time to pave the path for your adulthood. Make sure you lay a strong foundation.

Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe

Think before you think whether you should waste the power of your thoughts on it or not. As you know, you are radiating powerful vibrations through your thoughts. So, if in life you feel you are surrounded by mean people and situations, very likely, your thoughts are attracting them towards you. Change the channel. Tune in to a higher frequency thought and you will change your tribe. When you start enjoying putting others down, you like to respond rudely, you snap at every conversation and you start taking pride of your achievements, STOP and think, whether you are thinking the right thoughts and sending the right frequency because you will be served what you deserve. Raise the vibrations by thinking about ideas and not people and negativity will automatically repel.

Always do the right thing

Include this in your daily prayers. Always do the right thing no matter what. Do not let anything stop you from doing what is right. Do not fear that you will make people unhappy by doing it. You don’t have to always please people, you aren’t an ice cream. Now you may ask, how do we figure out what is right? The answer lies within You. Listen to your inner voice. You will always get the right answers. Again, the question arises, what if I don’t hear the inner voice? Well, here’s a simple way to know whether you are doing the right thing or not; concentrate on your feelings. If you feel great after a behavior, you did the right thing. If you feel awful, that means, you might want to check your words or actions. No one feels good putting other people down, no one would feel good after a fight and no one would feel great of breaking a rule. You might get a sense of being strong doing all that, but you won’t feel good and that’s the key. If you don’t feel right, that’s not the right thing. Listen to yourself. Every night before going to bed, write a journal, list down your feelings and keep a track of your feelings.

Do not Bully or get Bullied

Let’s understand the psychology behind bullying. Bullying is when someone enjoys pulling you down. Now this is a no brainer, we can only pull-down things that are above us. Even a kindergartner would agree to this. So. The answer is simple, the reason someone is bullying you is because you are above them in some way or the other and they want to pull you down to their level.

Now, you have two choices: either you stoop down to their level, get in to an argument and let them beat you with experience. Remember, you are stooping down to their level, you don’t belong there so you would not know the tricks of the games they are playing. OR, you leave them at their level, do not get affected and concentrate on raising your vibe. In this case they would have to get out of their comfort zones of dirty mind set and step up to your positive mindset, which will be difficult in the beginning but, it would be great for you both. The choices is yours’s and not theirs’s because you are above them. It is your moral duty to lift them and not fall to their level.

I know this is easier said then done, but it is pointless to get affected by bullies. Instead, feel their pain. One would always give what they have. This also implies the fact that next time you are trying to bully someone, always remember you are pulling someone who is above you.

Learn to say NO

No is a complete sentence. There is absolutely no explanation needed for your NO. Remember this, when you are surrounded by toxic people and situations that try to steer you away from your roots, stop, and say NO to yourself and to them.  Let me share a fact here; what happens to the trees in heavy windstorm? The trees that survive a windstorm are not the ones with strong branches or more leaves but, are the ones with strong roots. Infact, the leaves are the first ones to wither in storm. Always, be proud of your roots and keep aligning your personality to your purpose. In the worst storm of life, the people with strong roots would survive and come out clean.

Wear an attitude of gratitude

This might sound old school, but, OH well!! Sooner or later everyone would quote their mom. And you would also quote me later… Let your true character be your brand in this branded world. Do wear an attitude but let it be of gratitude, grace, confidence and respect. Be grateful for everything that you have. Everyone has three things every day to be grateful for. Write a gratitude journal and see how your joys manifest.

Learn to respond, “The Royal Way”. The Royals would always talk with grace and confidence. Bring that in your behavior and you would manifest it in others as well. Remember, you always get what you give. If you give a Royal Treatment to someone, you will attract it back.

You are a product of your choices

We are always told to make wise choices. Life is all about choices that you make. It is about being, doing and becoming and not about expecting, hoping and wishing. After reading this, you again have a choice, either to churn this in your mind and experiment a new way to react and share it with your peers or to live with old ways. The situations will also remain the same and would be thrown at you, It is your choice to choose how to react wisely and royally in any situation that gets thrown your way.

In today’s world we lay so much importance on eating healthy and eating clean. There are so many diets invented for it, like, Keto Diet, Paleo Diet, Plant based diet and so on and so forth. Let’s get on to  the Emotional Quotient Diet to get our emotional strength back. Follow this diet for a month and see how your world manifests into a different reality.

PS: Dear mini adults, if you are old enough to have an I phone of yours’s, you are wise enough to save this blog in your notes folder and read it every day till you ingrain it ..…

Happy Mother’s Day!!

The hand that rocks a cradle….  

….is the hand that rules the world!!

-William Ross Wallace

I THANK ALL MY CRITICS

I Thank all my Critics

I am a huge fan of Bollywood and I grew up watching a lot of Indian Films Awards Ceremonies. If you have watched some of these ceremonies, you would have heard this sentence: ‘ I thank all my Critics”. I often wondered as to how can criticism be a motivating factor in any one’s life. I am sure you would have stumbled upon criticism in your life. Give it a thought, has it motivated you more than a praise?

A core psychological phrase- praise more than criticize- may be inflated. Studies show that criticism can be even more powerful motivator. Let me quote some examples  here: famous Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachhan was criticized for his heavy voice and today industry pays millions to him just for lending his voice in a movie. Another Bollywood movie star Shah Rukh Khan was criticized saying, he wouldn’t be a great actor as he doesn’t look romantic. Well, he is the king of Romance of Indian Film Industry.  University of Exeter study found that criticism or taunting from opposing fans make players play better. A praise can motivate you, but when you are told you are not worthy, or you can’t, it will most definitely spark up a desire to prove them wrong. This is how a criticism has motivated you. The level to which you run after it differs from person to person and who has criticized you will also determine whether you will take it to the next level or not.

There is a school of thought that also suggests to not to pay attention to critics as they will always have something to say, and one cannot waste their life in keep proving them wrong. I totally agree to this school of thought, but I am sure you all would agree that whether we like it or not those taunting words of our critics do stay in our subconscious. Let’s listen to those words, they are not the words of random people, they are the words of your own close circle of people who affect us, and it is human to get affected by the words of people who hold some position in our lives.  We all have become resilient to those random people who pass unsolicited judgement on us. But how do we deal with these critics who come in the face of a friend, a teacher, a relative or a family member. Here’s the answer:

THANK them and be grateful for their existence. Had they not been there, you wouldn’t have reached where you reached. They were the one’s throwing stones at you to make your own path. They were the one’s who made you value love, kindness, friendship, gratitude and support. Had it not been those critics and their well fabricated comments, that we see so many stars rising from ashes.

No matter who you are and which field you are in, when you have a dream, there will be dream crushers. They come as a part and parcel with the dream. Studies show that with everyone person that believes in you, comes, one who does not believe in you and doubt your dreams. Embrace them with grace. Not everyone you meet will not like you, not everyone will think bad of you, not everyone will want to put you down. So, when you meet someone like this, keep them, be grateful as they have also motivated you as much if not more than a praise.

Today, I take this opportunity to THANK ALL MY CRITICS. Had it not been your stones, I wouldn’t have made this path for myself. I thank you for criticizing my bad grades as teachers and fellow students, I wouldn’t have been a University Topper in MBA. Thank you for criticizing me as a weak person, I wouldn’t have shown impeccable strength in my life. Thank you criticizing on my weight, I wouldn’t have led such a healthy lifestyle of working out ever since I was 15. Thank you for criticizing on my choice to leave my career and concentrate on my kids, I wouldn’t have this strong bond with my kids. Thank you for criticizing me as being just a MOM, I couldn’t have realized my own strength that A hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world. Today, after founding Success Surfers I feel like I touch the lives of my students just because I am a MOM and understand them just the way they are.

I do not say that all I am is because of my critics, but these are some important criticism which did make a mark. I am sure you all would have faced such criticism in some way or the other at some point in time. Value it to the extent that it does not crush your self-confidence. If it tries to harpen your confidence, close your eyes and turn deaf to such people. Then they are not true critics.  

Enjoy your critics as much as you value your believers. The people who like you would always take time out for you, but the critics take time out for you even when they don’t like you!!

SHE DOES NOTHING

 

SHE DOES NOTHING

I watched a few mainstream Indian movies lately, not only was I pleasantly surprised but also inspired to pen down some thoughts.

The movies broadly have a pattern of showing girls running away from the traditional marriage system and daring to follow their dreams or I must say daring to take a bold step. Well, some may condemn it saying it is an undue influence of the west. I would rather call it as a much-needed practical step for a fruitful life.

Think of it, when we are raising our daughters, we teach them to be fearful, ask them to speak for themselves, in my case, I had to get a professional master’s Degree and have a career. I am sure I am not the only one, we all would be have had these milestones to achieve when we were growing up. Never did I hear my parents or my friend’s parents say that “It’s OK, don’t bother for lower grades, your grades don’t matter”. In fact, be it Engineering, Medicine or Management us females have shown our competencies.

So, when all of this is there, why do we still need such strong female centered movies? What is it that has not yet changed? Here’s my answer and Its my opinion.

What has not changed is the mentality of the society when that same girl gets married. It is yet taken as the girl going to a boy’s house whereas, she is working, capable of having a house of her own and capable to pay her bills. She chooses to co-exist because of the love, sadly, the social pressure starts, even if the couple has a separate place (I mean the boy not staying with his parents) it is not her house, believe me, that is till her in-laws place. Her parents place is also no more her house, that’s her out laws place. So where is her place? Again, a reminder, we are talking about those highly educated girls whose parents did give them family values to make a family and not break it.

Let’s take a step further and try and look closely in this girl’s life: After marriage and the social pressure comes another duty of mother hood which a female would always want to take up. But it’s not that simple in our society. There would be two reactions, if she prefers to work after the kids, the in-laws might hop in with her to take care of the child and then she has to surrender her entire life in the guilt that they are handling her child.  Not to mention, that the word spreads out to the same society that’ She does Nothing”. The second probability would be to leave the job and listen those taunting remarks from her Mother in Law who herself would be stay at home mom. But again, the word spreads to society “She does Nothing”. There is a third and a new probability, she decides to chose work and not to have a baby. Again, the word spreads to the society, “She Does Nothing.” So, in either of the case “She Does Nothing”.

This won’t end here, let me stretch it further. Now, that girl has a child and she also leaves her work to take care of her child. She decides to take a break from mainstream career and nurtures her family, which I believe is the most rewarding career. Also not to mention that she has been told to take responsibilities of her kids on her own, and BLAH BLAH BLAH..

After all this, she bears it, and now her kids are of a manageable age and she is trying to look back in to her life. we females never forget the pains our parents took to educate us and always feel that we shouldn’t let it go waste. I am sure all you females agree with me that we always want to get back to our small little career or work which gives us a fulfillment that we did do something of our education.

Let’s get back to the life of our girl here. Can we say that she and her husband both have together created this small world where both gave hard sacrifices? They sacrificed their dinner dates, her career, him just working long hours to sustain the family, and so on. The list is endless, but what is counted in our Indian system is that the boy is running the house. The girl: “She Does Nothing”.

Now comes the twist, as soon as the kids are of a manageable age, naturally, the in-laws would come, they want to stay with their son, why, because it is their house. Mind You, it wasn’t the case when the kids were sick, when they were running around and real help was needed. But now as the storm is settled, they can move in. I am sure no female would disagree if this is an organic move, but when it is projected as a right and not a wish every one would have a problem. I still know  of so many parents of girls who prefer to stay in their boundaries when it comes to their daughter's married life. 

Think of this girl’s life, she would be thinking of finally enjoying those few hours of faux freedom from that tight routine of kids and this happens.

I am sure all women can relate to this story. So, coming back to why these movies? The answer is that the directors are wanting to change the ending of this story. They are wanting that girl to remember the lessons of equality and freedom which she learnt while she was growing up and I feel they should make such movies up until the thought process of the boy and the parents change. They should understand that they need to cut the cord with the boy just as much as they want the girl’s parent to cut the cord with her. Or else, be prepared for more of these movies. The world is moving towards equality.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we shouldn’t take care of the parents. In fact, I feel we should take care of both the sets of parents, but this system of hopping in and then ruling is not possible. The girl needs a place or a house which belongs to her, which she runs and manages. She is worth it.  Let her decide how she wants to take care of you. There is tremendous amount of research backing up the concept of personal space. Let us respect that for one and all. 

This is another phase of women’s liberation. One generation of girls fought to go to school and be literate, the other fought to be educated, the third fought to be financially independent and this one is fighting to be treated as equal and have her own space and freedom.

All I can say is that if this mentality does not change, the next generation moms would teach their daughters not to get married or not to have kids.For once, let's not blame the west but start to look within and try and change our beliefs. I would end it with these words of Gandhi:

Disclaimer: All the Characters are fictional. Any resemblance to a person or an event will be a coincidence.

HAVE A BURNING DESIRE TO WIN

Once there was a commander of a troop. They had to fight a very tough battle with the enemy who was double his army’s number and strength. The commander took his troops by sea on the enemy’s land. Once everyone had vacated the ships, he gave the orders to burn them. The entire Troop saw that the ships that they came in were burnt. This meant that they could not leave the shore alive unless they WIN. They had no other choice but to Win. It was a situation of DO OR DIE. And guess what, they Won.

I believe it is necessary to burn our ships and that’s when we develop that Burning Desire to Win and that in turn ensures us success. Everyone in this world is wanting to be successful and we notice that when someone is successful, we tend to attribute his success to luck. Let me quote an example here; I am sure a lot of mothers whose kids are well mannered or getting good grades or excelling in different things get to hear this: ‘You are Blessed, you have such a mature Kid’. Successful kids are not just blessed, they are a result of hardworking parents who refused to quit and did not take their failures as final. If were to talk about success, I would say that a very important recipe for success is FAILURE. You might think I have lost it, well, think about it, if there was no fear of failure, there wouldn’t be a burning desire to win. Also, I would add, a lot depends on our attitude when we fail. Attitude is the key component to help us rise.

Whenever we feel low in life, remember, this is not the first time. We have overcome challenges before. When I encounter a failure, I do cry and vent out, but, the very next moment; I dust myself up and put up a strong fight. We all have our burnout and breakdown moments, they cannot be our routine. We must ourselves break the chain of negation and get up and take the control back. Once the grief is conquered, leave, no stone unturned to get out of the situation. Do whatever it takes to make things work. At times, we feel it’s of no use, but believe me, it is for our satisfaction. We should never feel the regret that things would have been different had we put some efforts.

Hence whenever we feel down, dejected or helpless; remember, We never Fail, We either Win or Lean. Keep the Burning Desire to Win on in your lives.

FROM A STRONG MOM TO STRONG DAUGHTERS.........

FROM A STRONG MOM…..

My dear daughters,

I know it”s not at all easy to be raised by a strong mom. I must say, you both are grooming fairly well. Let me try and ellucidate important findings of our teaching:

1. Always value your independence

You have learned by example that you can take care of almost everything in life. You do not need anyone to complete you. You can raise kids and also have a thriving career. You are not slave of your needs and you can control your mind. Also be grateful to God and always seek strength, courage and endurance in your prayers. Do not take your independence for granted and demean others, but, make it a virtue and nurture your family.

2. Plan and Prioritize

You know that these are the two important P’s of your life. You wouldn’t be piling yourselves on anyone if you have these two P’s in place. Do plan a successful career for your life but do not prioritize it over your health and family. Do always plan to have a family. In this big world, do have a small little world of yourselves, which is created by you, your husband and your kids,your parents and your siblings. Never fail to plan and prioritize on your family. Its only after decades that you would realize how blessed you feel to have those handful of unselfish people around you whom you can call your own. Your family would always stand by you, no matter what and also would not be judgmental. They are the ones who would give you strength and courage to sail through in difficult times. I know, times would have changed when you grow up and not all would be believing in these values, but believe me, you won’t be disappointed having these values. You have seen by example, that if you plan and prioritize, you can have a career, a social life, friends, family and KIDS. You need not give up on anything and break the balance of nature.

3. Say NO to Toxins

You have learned that it is very important to remove toxic people and situations from your life. There can be people and situations not meant for you, walk away, even if it means walking alone. Always believe in yourself and your conscious even if no one believes in you. It’s you who have to face your inner voice and not someone else.  Listen to that inner voice, no matter what and always keep it alive. As I have once told you, love yourself. Do whatever it takes to make that Soul happy and everything around would be sorted.

4. Never fear a Failure.

The only time you would have been stormed by me would be for not trying but never for failing. Your bad grades, bad behavior or heart breaks don’t define You. What defines you is how you bounced back from those failures. If Life Throws Lemons, Make Lemonade and if Life Throws Stones, make a Path from those stones. Always remember that when you feel it’s over, probably it isn’t. Face the Fear in its face and fear won’t face your face. Always remember, nothing is permanent, not even your failures. Leave no stone unturned to turn around your failures into success.

5. You are a classic blend of strength and softness.

You have seen me cry and weep. It’s OK to cry and weep. It’s a very big myth that strong people do not cry. Let me correct something here: Strong People do not cry on same thing over and over. There would come days and situations in your life when you cry not because you are weak, but because you are not able to handle the situation the way you wanted to. That’s fine, always express your feelings. Your feelings define you and you should always respect them. You are strong girls and by example you have learned that you can compose yourself even if you are sad. This is the rule I follow, which  I learnt form my brother: in a difficult situation, hold back your reactions. Let both your brains respond to a situation and do not take any action until you have used 100% of your brain. When we make rash decisions in anger, we use only 20% of our brain and that’s the wining bait for our opponents. When in anger or anguish always wait, think and then if necessary act or else wait for the right time to act.

By saying this, I don’t mean that you have to be strong as a rock and be ruthless. Let your strength be like that of sea. The waves of the sea never make us feel that they can wreck a whole city. Be a blend of strength and softness.

6. Love is the recipe that never fails.

You saw your mom sacrifice everything for you and your sibling and never gloated about it. You have seen what selfless and unconditional love looks like. Pass it on to the people around you and generations to follow. Any family that breeds on unconditional love would always sail smoothly through qualms of life. Also remember, it’s not just important that you love but also be vocal and thoughtful to show it. The world is moving at lightning speed and no one has time to sit and think and infer your feeling. Always show the people whom you care that you care.

7. It’s difficult being a woman.

 Okay, I never told this to you, but yes, it’s not easy to be a woman, and to be a STRONG WOMAN is extremely difficult. You are expected to study well, yet know how to cook, yet should be able to keep the house clean and also work. Again you are expected to strike a balance between your kids, family and work. I know, it’s tough, but You are Tougher. I have groomed you to take all these challenges and embrace them as any other day of your life. Don’t take anything wrong lying down just because you feel you cannot raise your voice or your voice would not be heard. Always follow the right path no matter what. Do not stereotype yourself as to what you can or cannot do. You should be able to decide what you would do in your life.

8. GO AHEAD

Never look back in life. Always strive ahead. In the retrospect, you would realize that whatever happened, happened for our best. I do not mean that everything good would happen but my experience says that we learn the most from the worst of situations and experiences. So always value them. Compare yourselves to your old selves; if you feel you have moved forward from what you were, then you have made it. It’s utter foolishness to take part in the rat race of power, money, career and position. Always understand that we all are in our own different orbit, following our own unique path in this journey of life.

9. Expectations leads to disappointments

Do not and please do not expect people to behave with you in a certain way. I am telling you from my experience that there is nothing like a right or wrong behavior; people behave as to what they are taught. They won’t behave to your expectations, that’s why I am teaching you to stop expecting. If they have been taught kindness, compassion, politeness, love, loyalty, fidelity, etc., then they would behave or reciprocate to you and your feelings in that way; but, if they haven’t been fed with those feelings, they won’t. So stop expecting and choose wisely as to who are worthy of your feelings.

10. When in difficulty do what you are best at

With this I mean, when you are confronted with difficult people who are mean to you, want to put you down, taunt you or try to disturb your inner peace; do what you are best at: Be Nice. Do not get into an argument with such people, they would beat you with experience. Always remember- “They stoop Low, We rise High”. Every time, those negative people, try and hound you, just be yourself. Do not pick up an argument or a fight if you don’t want. Your mind is not their slave. Always listen to yourself. Get into a discussion only when you want to or when you are prepared. Don’t give your buttons to anyone. Your peace and tranquility cannot be disturbed by anyone’s words or behavior. I am saying this because, world if full of such unsolicited advisors, who want to bring you down to their level because it’s easier than rising to your level. Always remember, You are the master of your behavior. Do not let others dictate it. I understand it’s difficult and even today I am working on this. It might take a whole life to work on this one but it’s worth it.

11. Why fit in when we are born to stand out

Make this an anthem of your life. The reason you are you and not someone else is because God wants you to be like you. It’s not worth copying others, you don’t know anything about their personal journey. Everyone in this world is the product of their choices and circumstances and so are you. Use your wisdom to help you navigate through such situations where you are expected to take a stand and not just follow the herd. The research shows that 70% of the people are followers and 20% can’t decide what’s right or wrong. Try and be in those 10% who would take a stand either way.

12. Believe in The God Who Believes in You

Seek His shelter in difficult times and His blessings in good times. Always have an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for everything that happens. Never get too busy in your life that you don’t get time to pray. I say that pray daily not for getting something from Him but to just seek His support and thank Him for being there for you. Have Faith in God and patience in His plan. In the end everything is OK, if it’s not OK then probably it’s not the end. Keep going and you would succeed.

13. A healthy mind dwells in a healthy body

Always put your health first. Let’s not neglect it. The history has proved that if you neglect your health for money or lack of time, there would come a day, when you would be ready to spend all your wealth and time to save your health. Have your workout routine and listen to your body. Refrain for getting into the blind race of size zero or size two or you should lose weight before marriage or not put on weight after your pregnancy and so on and so forth. Be comfortable in your body. You can be a size 2 or a size 12 as long as your annuals are normal and you work out at least four times a week, consider yourself fit. Everybody is different. I can cite example of so many size 2 people having health problems and there are a lot of size 12 leading a perfectly healthy life. Let’s look at it this way, an elephant is huge and broad, does that mean it is unhealthy? Had that been the case, it would have been an endangered species. whereas, the wolf is thin but it is endangered. There are about handful of wolves in the world. So, the size is just a number, don’t let it define you.We are created different by God and He knows our worth. You would come across people making personal comments on your weight or skin or features, learn to be indifferent to them. Probably, that’s what they are fed, leave them on their path and you concentrate on your path.

I hope every mom can relate to this and pass it on to their daughters. My daughters are yet too young to understand this but I thought of penning it down as a reckoner to myself to lead me to groom them in this direction......... Would keep adding to the above points...