FROM A STRONG MOM TO STRONG DAUGHTERS.........

FROM A STRONG MOM…..

My dear daughters,

I know it”s not at all easy to be raised by a strong mom. I must say, you both are grooming fairly well. Let me try and ellucidate important findings of our teaching:

1. Always value your independence

You have learned by example that you can take care of almost everything in life. You do not need anyone to complete you. You can raise kids and also have a thriving career. You are not slave of your needs and you can control your mind. Also be grateful to God and always seek strength, courage and endurance in your prayers. Do not take your independence for granted and demean others, but, make it a virtue and nurture your family.

2. Plan and Prioritize

You know that these are the two important P’s of your life. You wouldn’t be piling yourselves on anyone if you have these two P’s in place. Do plan a successful career for your life but do not prioritize it over your health and family. Do always plan to have a family. In this big world, do have a small little world of yourselves, which is created by you, your husband and your kids,your parents and your siblings. Never fail to plan and prioritize on your family. Its only after decades that you would realize how blessed you feel to have those handful of unselfish people around you whom you can call your own. Your family would always stand by you, no matter what and also would not be judgmental. They are the ones who would give you strength and courage to sail through in difficult times. I know, times would have changed when you grow up and not all would be believing in these values, but believe me, you won’t be disappointed having these values. You have seen by example, that if you plan and prioritize, you can have a career, a social life, friends, family and KIDS. You need not give up on anything and break the balance of nature.

3. Say NO to Toxins

You have learned that it is very important to remove toxic people and situations from your life. There can be people and situations not meant for you, walk away, even if it means walking alone. Always believe in yourself and your conscious even if no one believes in you. It’s you who have to face your inner voice and not someone else.  Listen to that inner voice, no matter what and always keep it alive. As I have once told you, love yourself. Do whatever it takes to make that Soul happy and everything around would be sorted.

4. Never fear a Failure.

The only time you would have been stormed by me would be for not trying but never for failing. Your bad grades, bad behavior or heart breaks don’t define You. What defines you is how you bounced back from those failures. If Life Throws Lemons, Make Lemonade and if Life Throws Stones, make a Path from those stones. Always remember that when you feel it’s over, probably it isn’t. Face the Fear in its face and fear won’t face your face. Always remember, nothing is permanent, not even your failures. Leave no stone unturned to turn around your failures into success.

5. You are a classic blend of strength and softness.

You have seen me cry and weep. It’s OK to cry and weep. It’s a very big myth that strong people do not cry. Let me correct something here: Strong People do not cry on same thing over and over. There would come days and situations in your life when you cry not because you are weak, but because you are not able to handle the situation the way you wanted to. That’s fine, always express your feelings. Your feelings define you and you should always respect them. You are strong girls and by example you have learned that you can compose yourself even if you are sad. This is the rule I follow, which  I learnt form my brother: in a difficult situation, hold back your reactions. Let both your brains respond to a situation and do not take any action until you have used 100% of your brain. When we make rash decisions in anger, we use only 20% of our brain and that’s the wining bait for our opponents. When in anger or anguish always wait, think and then if necessary act or else wait for the right time to act.

By saying this, I don’t mean that you have to be strong as a rock and be ruthless. Let your strength be like that of sea. The waves of the sea never make us feel that they can wreck a whole city. Be a blend of strength and softness.

6. Love is the recipe that never fails.

You saw your mom sacrifice everything for you and your sibling and never gloated about it. You have seen what selfless and unconditional love looks like. Pass it on to the people around you and generations to follow. Any family that breeds on unconditional love would always sail smoothly through qualms of life. Also remember, it’s not just important that you love but also be vocal and thoughtful to show it. The world is moving at lightning speed and no one has time to sit and think and infer your feeling. Always show the people whom you care that you care.

7. It’s difficult being a woman.

 Okay, I never told this to you, but yes, it’s not easy to be a woman, and to be a STRONG WOMAN is extremely difficult. You are expected to study well, yet know how to cook, yet should be able to keep the house clean and also work. Again you are expected to strike a balance between your kids, family and work. I know, it’s tough, but You are Tougher. I have groomed you to take all these challenges and embrace them as any other day of your life. Don’t take anything wrong lying down just because you feel you cannot raise your voice or your voice would not be heard. Always follow the right path no matter what. Do not stereotype yourself as to what you can or cannot do. You should be able to decide what you would do in your life.

8. GO AHEAD

Never look back in life. Always strive ahead. In the retrospect, you would realize that whatever happened, happened for our best. I do not mean that everything good would happen but my experience says that we learn the most from the worst of situations and experiences. So always value them. Compare yourselves to your old selves; if you feel you have moved forward from what you were, then you have made it. It’s utter foolishness to take part in the rat race of power, money, career and position. Always understand that we all are in our own different orbit, following our own unique path in this journey of life.

9. Expectations leads to disappointments

Do not and please do not expect people to behave with you in a certain way. I am telling you from my experience that there is nothing like a right or wrong behavior; people behave as to what they are taught. They won’t behave to your expectations, that’s why I am teaching you to stop expecting. If they have been taught kindness, compassion, politeness, love, loyalty, fidelity, etc., then they would behave or reciprocate to you and your feelings in that way; but, if they haven’t been fed with those feelings, they won’t. So stop expecting and choose wisely as to who are worthy of your feelings.

10. When in difficulty do what you are best at

With this I mean, when you are confronted with difficult people who are mean to you, want to put you down, taunt you or try to disturb your inner peace; do what you are best at: Be Nice. Do not get into an argument with such people, they would beat you with experience. Always remember- “They stoop Low, We rise High”. Every time, those negative people, try and hound you, just be yourself. Do not pick up an argument or a fight if you don’t want. Your mind is not their slave. Always listen to yourself. Get into a discussion only when you want to or when you are prepared. Don’t give your buttons to anyone. Your peace and tranquility cannot be disturbed by anyone’s words or behavior. I am saying this because, world if full of such unsolicited advisors, who want to bring you down to their level because it’s easier than rising to your level. Always remember, You are the master of your behavior. Do not let others dictate it. I understand it’s difficult and even today I am working on this. It might take a whole life to work on this one but it’s worth it.

11. Why fit in when we are born to stand out

Make this an anthem of your life. The reason you are you and not someone else is because God wants you to be like you. It’s not worth copying others, you don’t know anything about their personal journey. Everyone in this world is the product of their choices and circumstances and so are you. Use your wisdom to help you navigate through such situations where you are expected to take a stand and not just follow the herd. The research shows that 70% of the people are followers and 20% can’t decide what’s right or wrong. Try and be in those 10% who would take a stand either way.

12. Believe in The God Who Believes in You

Seek His shelter in difficult times and His blessings in good times. Always have an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for everything that happens. Never get too busy in your life that you don’t get time to pray. I say that pray daily not for getting something from Him but to just seek His support and thank Him for being there for you. Have Faith in God and patience in His plan. In the end everything is OK, if it’s not OK then probably it’s not the end. Keep going and you would succeed.

13. A healthy mind dwells in a healthy body

Always put your health first. Let’s not neglect it. The history has proved that if you neglect your health for money or lack of time, there would come a day, when you would be ready to spend all your wealth and time to save your health. Have your workout routine and listen to your body. Refrain for getting into the blind race of size zero or size two or you should lose weight before marriage or not put on weight after your pregnancy and so on and so forth. Be comfortable in your body. You can be a size 2 or a size 12 as long as your annuals are normal and you work out at least four times a week, consider yourself fit. Everybody is different. I can cite example of so many size 2 people having health problems and there are a lot of size 12 leading a perfectly healthy life. Let’s look at it this way, an elephant is huge and broad, does that mean it is unhealthy? Had that been the case, it would have been an endangered species. whereas, the wolf is thin but it is endangered. There are about handful of wolves in the world. So, the size is just a number, don’t let it define you.We are created different by God and He knows our worth. You would come across people making personal comments on your weight or skin or features, learn to be indifferent to them. Probably, that’s what they are fed, leave them on their path and you concentrate on your path.

I hope every mom can relate to this and pass it on to their daughters. My daughters are yet too young to understand this but I thought of penning it down as a reckoner to myself to lead me to groom them in this direction......... Would keep adding to the above points...