SHE DOES NOTHING

 

SHE DOES NOTHING

I watched a few mainstream Indian movies lately, not only was I pleasantly surprised but also inspired to pen down some thoughts.

The movies broadly have a pattern of showing girls running away from the traditional marriage system and daring to follow their dreams or I must say daring to take a bold step. Well, some may condemn it saying it is an undue influence of the west. I would rather call it as a much-needed practical step for a fruitful life.

Think of it, when we are raising our daughters, we teach them to be fearful, ask them to speak for themselves, in my case, I had to get a professional master’s Degree and have a career. I am sure I am not the only one, we all would be have had these milestones to achieve when we were growing up. Never did I hear my parents or my friend’s parents say that “It’s OK, don’t bother for lower grades, your grades don’t matter”. In fact, be it Engineering, Medicine or Management us females have shown our competencies.

So, when all of this is there, why do we still need such strong female centered movies? What is it that has not yet changed? Here’s my answer and Its my opinion.

What has not changed is the mentality of the society when that same girl gets married. It is yet taken as the girl going to a boy’s house whereas, she is working, capable of having a house of her own and capable to pay her bills. She chooses to co-exist because of the love, sadly, the social pressure starts, even if the couple has a separate place (I mean the boy not staying with his parents) it is not her house, believe me, that is till her in-laws place. Her parents place is also no more her house, that’s her out laws place. So where is her place? Again, a reminder, we are talking about those highly educated girls whose parents did give them family values to make a family and not break it.

Let’s take a step further and try and look closely in this girl’s life: After marriage and the social pressure comes another duty of mother hood which a female would always want to take up. But it’s not that simple in our society. There would be two reactions, if she prefers to work after the kids, the in-laws might hop in with her to take care of the child and then she has to surrender her entire life in the guilt that they are handling her child.  Not to mention, that the word spreads out to the same society that’ She does Nothing”. The second probability would be to leave the job and listen those taunting remarks from her Mother in Law who herself would be stay at home mom. But again, the word spreads to society “She does Nothing”. There is a third and a new probability, she decides to chose work and not to have a baby. Again, the word spreads to the society, “She Does Nothing.” So, in either of the case “She Does Nothing”.

This won’t end here, let me stretch it further. Now, that girl has a child and she also leaves her work to take care of her child. She decides to take a break from mainstream career and nurtures her family, which I believe is the most rewarding career. Also not to mention that she has been told to take responsibilities of her kids on her own, and BLAH BLAH BLAH..

After all this, she bears it, and now her kids are of a manageable age and she is trying to look back in to her life. we females never forget the pains our parents took to educate us and always feel that we shouldn’t let it go waste. I am sure all you females agree with me that we always want to get back to our small little career or work which gives us a fulfillment that we did do something of our education.

Let’s get back to the life of our girl here. Can we say that she and her husband both have together created this small world where both gave hard sacrifices? They sacrificed their dinner dates, her career, him just working long hours to sustain the family, and so on. The list is endless, but what is counted in our Indian system is that the boy is running the house. The girl: “She Does Nothing”.

Now comes the twist, as soon as the kids are of a manageable age, naturally, the in-laws would come, they want to stay with their son, why, because it is their house. Mind You, it wasn’t the case when the kids were sick, when they were running around and real help was needed. But now as the storm is settled, they can move in. I am sure no female would disagree if this is an organic move, but when it is projected as a right and not a wish every one would have a problem. I still know  of so many parents of girls who prefer to stay in their boundaries when it comes to their daughter's married life. 

Think of this girl’s life, she would be thinking of finally enjoying those few hours of faux freedom from that tight routine of kids and this happens.

I am sure all women can relate to this story. So, coming back to why these movies? The answer is that the directors are wanting to change the ending of this story. They are wanting that girl to remember the lessons of equality and freedom which she learnt while she was growing up and I feel they should make such movies up until the thought process of the boy and the parents change. They should understand that they need to cut the cord with the boy just as much as they want the girl’s parent to cut the cord with her. Or else, be prepared for more of these movies. The world is moving towards equality.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we shouldn’t take care of the parents. In fact, I feel we should take care of both the sets of parents, but this system of hopping in and then ruling is not possible. The girl needs a place or a house which belongs to her, which she runs and manages. She is worth it.  Let her decide how she wants to take care of you. There is tremendous amount of research backing up the concept of personal space. Let us respect that for one and all. 

This is another phase of women’s liberation. One generation of girls fought to go to school and be literate, the other fought to be educated, the third fought to be financially independent and this one is fighting to be treated as equal and have her own space and freedom.

All I can say is that if this mentality does not change, the next generation moms would teach their daughters not to get married or not to have kids.For once, let's not blame the west but start to look within and try and change our beliefs. I would end it with these words of Gandhi:

Disclaimer: All the Characters are fictional. Any resemblance to a person or an event will be a coincidence.