HAVE A BURNING DESIRE TO WIN

Once there was a commander of a troop. They had to fight a very tough battle with the enemy who was double his army’s number and strength. The commander took his troops by sea on the enemy’s land. Once everyone had vacated the ships, he gave the orders to burn them. The entire Troop saw that the ships that they came in were burnt. This meant that they could not leave the shore alive unless they WIN. They had no other choice but to Win. It was a situation of DO OR DIE. And guess what, they Won.

I believe it is necessary to burn our ships and that’s when we develop that Burning Desire to Win and that in turn ensures us success. Everyone in this world is wanting to be successful and we notice that when someone is successful, we tend to attribute his success to luck. Let me quote an example here; I am sure a lot of mothers whose kids are well mannered or getting good grades or excelling in different things get to hear this: ‘You are Blessed, you have such a mature Kid’. Successful kids are not just blessed, they are a result of hardworking parents who refused to quit and did not take their failures as final. If were to talk about success, I would say that a very important recipe for success is FAILURE. You might think I have lost it, well, think about it, if there was no fear of failure, there wouldn’t be a burning desire to win. Also, I would add, a lot depends on our attitude when we fail. Attitude is the key component to help us rise.

Whenever we feel low in life, remember, this is not the first time. We have overcome challenges before. When I encounter a failure, I do cry and vent out, but, the very next moment; I dust myself up and put up a strong fight. We all have our burnout and breakdown moments, they cannot be our routine. We must ourselves break the chain of negation and get up and take the control back. Once the grief is conquered, leave, no stone unturned to get out of the situation. Do whatever it takes to make things work. At times, we feel it’s of no use, but believe me, it is for our satisfaction. We should never feel the regret that things would have been different had we put some efforts.

Hence whenever we feel down, dejected or helpless; remember, We never Fail, We either Win or Lean. Keep the Burning Desire to Win on in your lives.

FROM A STRONG MOM TO STRONG DAUGHTERS.........

FROM A STRONG MOM…..

My dear daughters,

I know it”s not at all easy to be raised by a strong mom. I must say, you both are grooming fairly well. Let me try and ellucidate important findings of our teaching:

1. Always value your independence

You have learned by example that you can take care of almost everything in life. You do not need anyone to complete you. You can raise kids and also have a thriving career. You are not slave of your needs and you can control your mind. Also be grateful to God and always seek strength, courage and endurance in your prayers. Do not take your independence for granted and demean others, but, make it a virtue and nurture your family.

2. Plan and Prioritize

You know that these are the two important P’s of your life. You wouldn’t be piling yourselves on anyone if you have these two P’s in place. Do plan a successful career for your life but do not prioritize it over your health and family. Do always plan to have a family. In this big world, do have a small little world of yourselves, which is created by you, your husband and your kids,your parents and your siblings. Never fail to plan and prioritize on your family. Its only after decades that you would realize how blessed you feel to have those handful of unselfish people around you whom you can call your own. Your family would always stand by you, no matter what and also would not be judgmental. They are the ones who would give you strength and courage to sail through in difficult times. I know, times would have changed when you grow up and not all would be believing in these values, but believe me, you won’t be disappointed having these values. You have seen by example, that if you plan and prioritize, you can have a career, a social life, friends, family and KIDS. You need not give up on anything and break the balance of nature.

3. Say NO to Toxins

You have learned that it is very important to remove toxic people and situations from your life. There can be people and situations not meant for you, walk away, even if it means walking alone. Always believe in yourself and your conscious even if no one believes in you. It’s you who have to face your inner voice and not someone else.  Listen to that inner voice, no matter what and always keep it alive. As I have once told you, love yourself. Do whatever it takes to make that Soul happy and everything around would be sorted.

4. Never fear a Failure.

The only time you would have been stormed by me would be for not trying but never for failing. Your bad grades, bad behavior or heart breaks don’t define You. What defines you is how you bounced back from those failures. If Life Throws Lemons, Make Lemonade and if Life Throws Stones, make a Path from those stones. Always remember that when you feel it’s over, probably it isn’t. Face the Fear in its face and fear won’t face your face. Always remember, nothing is permanent, not even your failures. Leave no stone unturned to turn around your failures into success.

5. You are a classic blend of strength and softness.

You have seen me cry and weep. It’s OK to cry and weep. It’s a very big myth that strong people do not cry. Let me correct something here: Strong People do not cry on same thing over and over. There would come days and situations in your life when you cry not because you are weak, but because you are not able to handle the situation the way you wanted to. That’s fine, always express your feelings. Your feelings define you and you should always respect them. You are strong girls and by example you have learned that you can compose yourself even if you are sad. This is the rule I follow, which  I learnt form my brother: in a difficult situation, hold back your reactions. Let both your brains respond to a situation and do not take any action until you have used 100% of your brain. When we make rash decisions in anger, we use only 20% of our brain and that’s the wining bait for our opponents. When in anger or anguish always wait, think and then if necessary act or else wait for the right time to act.

By saying this, I don’t mean that you have to be strong as a rock and be ruthless. Let your strength be like that of sea. The waves of the sea never make us feel that they can wreck a whole city. Be a blend of strength and softness.

6. Love is the recipe that never fails.

You saw your mom sacrifice everything for you and your sibling and never gloated about it. You have seen what selfless and unconditional love looks like. Pass it on to the people around you and generations to follow. Any family that breeds on unconditional love would always sail smoothly through qualms of life. Also remember, it’s not just important that you love but also be vocal and thoughtful to show it. The world is moving at lightning speed and no one has time to sit and think and infer your feeling. Always show the people whom you care that you care.

7. It’s difficult being a woman.

 Okay, I never told this to you, but yes, it’s not easy to be a woman, and to be a STRONG WOMAN is extremely difficult. You are expected to study well, yet know how to cook, yet should be able to keep the house clean and also work. Again you are expected to strike a balance between your kids, family and work. I know, it’s tough, but You are Tougher. I have groomed you to take all these challenges and embrace them as any other day of your life. Don’t take anything wrong lying down just because you feel you cannot raise your voice or your voice would not be heard. Always follow the right path no matter what. Do not stereotype yourself as to what you can or cannot do. You should be able to decide what you would do in your life.

8. GO AHEAD

Never look back in life. Always strive ahead. In the retrospect, you would realize that whatever happened, happened for our best. I do not mean that everything good would happen but my experience says that we learn the most from the worst of situations and experiences. So always value them. Compare yourselves to your old selves; if you feel you have moved forward from what you were, then you have made it. It’s utter foolishness to take part in the rat race of power, money, career and position. Always understand that we all are in our own different orbit, following our own unique path in this journey of life.

9. Expectations leads to disappointments

Do not and please do not expect people to behave with you in a certain way. I am telling you from my experience that there is nothing like a right or wrong behavior; people behave as to what they are taught. They won’t behave to your expectations, that’s why I am teaching you to stop expecting. If they have been taught kindness, compassion, politeness, love, loyalty, fidelity, etc., then they would behave or reciprocate to you and your feelings in that way; but, if they haven’t been fed with those feelings, they won’t. So stop expecting and choose wisely as to who are worthy of your feelings.

10. When in difficulty do what you are best at

With this I mean, when you are confronted with difficult people who are mean to you, want to put you down, taunt you or try to disturb your inner peace; do what you are best at: Be Nice. Do not get into an argument with such people, they would beat you with experience. Always remember- “They stoop Low, We rise High”. Every time, those negative people, try and hound you, just be yourself. Do not pick up an argument or a fight if you don’t want. Your mind is not their slave. Always listen to yourself. Get into a discussion only when you want to or when you are prepared. Don’t give your buttons to anyone. Your peace and tranquility cannot be disturbed by anyone’s words or behavior. I am saying this because, world if full of such unsolicited advisors, who want to bring you down to their level because it’s easier than rising to your level. Always remember, You are the master of your behavior. Do not let others dictate it. I understand it’s difficult and even today I am working on this. It might take a whole life to work on this one but it’s worth it.

11. Why fit in when we are born to stand out

Make this an anthem of your life. The reason you are you and not someone else is because God wants you to be like you. It’s not worth copying others, you don’t know anything about their personal journey. Everyone in this world is the product of their choices and circumstances and so are you. Use your wisdom to help you navigate through such situations where you are expected to take a stand and not just follow the herd. The research shows that 70% of the people are followers and 20% can’t decide what’s right or wrong. Try and be in those 10% who would take a stand either way.

12. Believe in The God Who Believes in You

Seek His shelter in difficult times and His blessings in good times. Always have an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for everything that happens. Never get too busy in your life that you don’t get time to pray. I say that pray daily not for getting something from Him but to just seek His support and thank Him for being there for you. Have Faith in God and patience in His plan. In the end everything is OK, if it’s not OK then probably it’s not the end. Keep going and you would succeed.

13. A healthy mind dwells in a healthy body

Always put your health first. Let’s not neglect it. The history has proved that if you neglect your health for money or lack of time, there would come a day, when you would be ready to spend all your wealth and time to save your health. Have your workout routine and listen to your body. Refrain for getting into the blind race of size zero or size two or you should lose weight before marriage or not put on weight after your pregnancy and so on and so forth. Be comfortable in your body. You can be a size 2 or a size 12 as long as your annuals are normal and you work out at least four times a week, consider yourself fit. Everybody is different. I can cite example of so many size 2 people having health problems and there are a lot of size 12 leading a perfectly healthy life. Let’s look at it this way, an elephant is huge and broad, does that mean it is unhealthy? Had that been the case, it would have been an endangered species. whereas, the wolf is thin but it is endangered. There are about handful of wolves in the world. So, the size is just a number, don’t let it define you.We are created different by God and He knows our worth. You would come across people making personal comments on your weight or skin or features, learn to be indifferent to them. Probably, that’s what they are fed, leave them on their path and you concentrate on your path.

I hope every mom can relate to this and pass it on to their daughters. My daughters are yet too young to understand this but I thought of penning it down as a reckoner to myself to lead me to groom them in this direction......... Would keep adding to the above points...

KEEP GOING STRONG...

    

Failure as I understand it: the most important ingredient in the recipe to success. The lower you fall, the higher you leap.

There was once a businessman travelling to another city in his car with his driver. On their way, suddenly the weather got bad and there was a storm. The driver suggested to stop the car and take shelter nearby. But the master said “Keep Going”. As they advanced further, the intensity of the storm increased, it was getting difficult to drive. Once again upon asking to stop the master suggested, “Keep Going”. Further ahead the conditions worsened and they found  lots of vehicles lined up against the trees nearby taking shelter, but the master still suggested, “Keep Going”. The driver followed his orders. Soon they crossed the storm and saw beautiful sunlight and clear path. Now the master suggested to stop and get out of the car. The driver got amazed to hear that. He asked the reason to stop as they had already cleared the storm. No point in stopping now. The master then said, “It makes perfect sense to stop now as  we can see those people who stopped and lined up near the tree are still stuck in the storm and we are out of it because we KEPT GOING.”

The master was none other than Mr Dhirubhai Ambani. The incident is simple, but it teaches a very important lesson. A bad weather, a bad phase or failures are never final. They too shall pass just like the good days and success but it is very important to KEEP GOING and I would say KEEP GOING STRONG.

Also if we are taking our struggles head on, their intensity would reduce. Things, people or situations affect you only till the time you let them affect you. Once you move on they cease to follow. Having read a lot of biographies I can say that all the great legends are legends because of their failures. Mr Bachhan was once considered not fit for Bollywood as he was not good looking. Had he thought that to be true, he would be still working in Kolkata. Instead, he kept going strong and the rest is the history.

There are two kinds of failures. One is, when we actually fail in our goal and the other is, when we are declared as a failure by other people. It is when our critics think we have not performed as per their expectation.

I have realized that we at times feel defeated because of certain criticism about us. After a lot of pondering, I have deduced that more than the criticism, pay attention to the critic. If the critic is worthwhile, take the feedback seriously, if not, do not let it hamper our self-esteem. People would criticize us for two major reasons, either they cannot be what we are or they want what we have. In either of the case, if we take them seriously the loss is ours. By saying this I do not mean that we should think high of ourselves, but I have certainly learnt that not everyone has to be taken seriously. It is an age old maxim: when an elephant walks, the dogs would bark. The elephant can’t stop walking. He keeps going strong.

In the end, I would say, nothing lasts forever, not even our failures and bad phases. Just KEEP GOING and soon we would be at the other side of the storm, enjoying the beautiful sun.

A SIX POINT GUIDE TO A STRESS FREE HOUSE HUNTING

Buying a house can be an overwhelming process, especially if you do not know the knack of all the steps and procedures that go with it. Below are some of the checkpoints one should keep in mind to make the process smoother. After all, it is our dream home that we are searching and the journey should be as rewarding as the destination.

CONSULT A GOOD REALTOR

A dedicated realtor is the first and foremost requirement to start your house hunt project. One can benefit a lot from the expertise and research and inputs of the realtor. Your realtor if efficient would be able to read your specifications and try and show you the houses that you might be interested in. Also, their network of attorneys, lenders, appraisers etc. comes in handy in the process of purchase. The sellers also have their realtors and one can approach them, but always remember that the seller’s realtor is working for the seller and not you and hence he would always be in favor of his client. Your realtor is your knight in the shining armor. He is the one who would communicate and negotiate on your behalf. You can read reviews of realtors in your area on websites like Zillow or trulia and then take a call. If they are associated to a real estate firm even better, as you can avail a wide range of ancillary services provided by the real estate firm just through your realtor.

In other words, if you have managed to find a good realtor believe me you are baking your cake and eating it too.

SHOP AROUND FOR LENDERS

It is advisable to always get a pre- approval from various lenders to be able to know what range of property to target. This would depend on a lot of criteria like: the credit score of the borrower, the credit history of the borrower, the percentage of down payment, tenure of the loan and also the type of loan i.e. variable interest or fixed interest.  Based on all these parameters you can choose from FHA, Conventional or interest only loans.

Different lenders would give you different interest rates and different quotes and they would also run a credit check. It is advisable that you shop for the loan at the same time at all the lenders. Meaning if the credit check is run then there would be a hard hit on the credit score. But the rule says that the hit is affected every 13 days. Hence, get as many lenders as you want within 13 days and complete your lenders shopping in just one hard hit.

Again, if you have a good realtor who is tagged to a real estate firm, you can use their network and also get customized loan plan.

THE HOUSE HUNT

I believe that no matter what, there is this one house which is destined for you and that house would wait for you and no one else. If it is going to happen it would. Be very clear on your criteria like the school district, the age of the house, the look and feel, the number of rooms, etc. It is very important that you and your realtor are on the same page as far as your requirements are concerned.

When you are viewing the properties view them with your décor and furniture in the mind. Minus the cosmetics of the house as you can change the cosmetics to suit your requirement. For eg, you might not like the present color scheme of the house, but that can be changed in few thousands of dollars but if there is a defect in the elevation or you do not appreciate the floor plan then definitely strike it out of the list.  Always give importance to things that cannot be changed like the floor plan, the subdivision and the lot size. Rest all is cosmetics and can be changed.

We were lucky to have a great realtor who educated us on these grounds. As a result of this you make a practical choice and stay close to the market rate.

NEVER BUY THE MOST EXPENSIVE HOUSE IN YOUR SUBDIVISION

This is a very important aspect. While you are hunting for house you would often like the ones that are all upgraded and remodeled. But wait and look around. Tomorrow when you would go out in market to sell that property, you would not get more than the market price of that subdivision or area. Hence try and be close to the market rate of the subdivision or the area that you are targeting. As a result you would get the return on your investment in future. If you end up buying the most expensive house in your subdivision, you might have a tough time selling it as it is hard to justify the reason you paid a premium while buying it and so you demand a premium while selling it. Remember the buyer would not look at your house the way you looked at it while you were buying.

THE INSPECTION AND APPRAISAL

It is always recommended to get the property appraised and inspected. It is in the buyer’s interest. The reason being, we as buyer do not know the property that well as the seller. The inspection report clarifies whether the property is in proper condition or not. The appraisal report would determine the market value of the property. Hence, as a buyer you are assured whether you are paying the correct price for the property or not.

THE CLOSING

This is the last step. On the day of the closing you give your down payment check and after a lot of documentation, you are handed over the keys of the house. Make sure you collect all the warranties from the current owner and you transfer all the utilities under your name a day before the closing. This brings to an end of the journey of buying a house.

We were very fortunate to have a great realtor by our side who educated us through each and every step in this process. I hope this comes handy to anyone who is in process of finding his dream house.

Good luck. Stay blessed.

Roots and Wings.......

                                              

Roots and wings define a very important element of parenting. I feel that as a parent we should maintain a balance in providing roots as well as wings to our children.

let us take an example, we often come across kids who are spoilt. Now is that the kid's fault? Was that kid born with that attitude? Not really, it is the parent's fault. They forgot give the roots to the kid and gave him wings too early.

we also come across some conservative parents who have such well behaved kids, but they tend to pull the string little too far. They try to supervise and micro manage each and every aspect of their kid's life. Probably they forgot to give wings to their kids.

I must say here that it is important to give both roots and wings but the order in which they are given is also important. Once the kid get the wings, you can never ever give him the roots and visa versa. The.The order is important and so is the timing.

let's analyse a step further, as to what happens when there is an absence of either of these two elements. The kids without the roots would be by default  brats, confussed, not focussed and worthy of making mistake. But have we realized that absence of wings also does the same thing. They would lose focus, would be confused as they are not the decision makers and often make some unpleasant mistakes just to experience that sense of freedom.

All I would say is let us give them right thing at the right time. giving them roots is our way of showing them the world and by giving them wings we give them a fair chance to show us the world their way.

So lets all love the little angels that we have and give them the best at the best time... and the most important thing TRUST THEM.... 

Together we can.....

                                  

    The other day I was watching a hindi movie, Mary Com, based on the real life story of an Indian Female Boxer who has been a world champion. This lady dared to do what people thought was impossible. She dared to balance her personal and professional life and managed to excel in both.

This set me thinking as to what makes Mary Com, The Mary Com and Sachin Tendulkar, The Sachin Tendulkar or for that matter Amitabh Bachchan, The Amitabh Bachchan. When we deeply ponder on the lives of these legends we see that they have one thread that is common. It is not only their dedication, humble attitude, but their great Partnerships. They have strong life partners, the ones who could visualize their success more than they did and could sacrifice their own life’s goal for their partners.

Could you imagine Sachin Tendulkar being able to roam around the globe creating records if he was not secure that his kids were in safe hands and that he had a strong partner to take care of eventualities? What if Anjali Tendulkar would have put her foot down and said she being a doctor herself would not take the sole responsibility of raising the kids while he is away. I am sure Sachin wouldn’t be a legend then.

let me take you one step further, would you have the same respect for Sachin Tendulkar if he only concentrated on his play, did not get married and would not want to start a family? Anything that is incomplete and directed to just one direction is not welcomed. the fact that these all legends have gained respect in the eyes of people is not only for their work but also for a sense of completion that they have achieved by touching up and carving all the niches of their lives.believe me they could not have done it alone. It is the partnership that works. It would be very negative to say that Anjali sacrificed. I would say she prioritized. She embraced her spouse’s dreams and together they achieved everything; a successful career for both, two kids and fame.

This brings to life a very important management lesson: diversify and expand but synergize. It is wiser for partners to have different skill sets, different dreams and be able to synchronize them and achieve them. By doing this you can expand leaps and bound. This is an age old concept being used by almost all big and successful organizations. However, what I would like to highlight here is that even as individuals we can also use this in our own lives.

Imagine how life would be if both the husband and wife are only chasing money. They would certainly end up getting a lot of money. But would certainly lose on many more important aspects of life. But if they plan to diversify and expand, then they can achieve a little bit of everything.

By saying this I do not mean that one partner needs to say good bye to his own dreams to let the other one full fill his. No, I say that make your partners dreams yours and then see how the world changes. Anjali Tendulkar did not say goodbye to her career, but she definitely knew where to balance and how to manage, without throwing a feat on her spouse.

I conclude saying that let us all synergize for a greater good. Let us not think of just our own goals and careers but also think of the family goals and happiness of each one. I truly feel that everyone has immense potential to reach their goals and soar high but only a few reach there because along with their hard work they have someone in their life who truly believes ‘THEY CAN”. Find your  someone who believes in YOU and hold on to them because you may be soaring high but they are the ones who make you do that. Likewise, believe in someone and be with them in the times they need you and see how world around you blossoms.

                                                                                                                                                   

Amchi Mumbai reloaded........

Hello there, so sorry, I am writing after a long time but jus got busy with my migration. Believe me, leaving Mumbai was not at all easy.  After spending close to a decade in this city of dreams, I realised that you either would love it or hate it, but can't be indifferent to it.

More I miss being in Mumbai, more I feel like thanking the city and the people for helping me in being what I am. This city teaches you to be on your own and yet be surrounded by people. It served as a boot camp for my life to come.

Today when I am in USA for a longer duration, I do not feel the stress of coping up with the lifestyle and the routine. It is more or less the same as it was back home. The attitude of people is also non interfereing, just like Mumbai.

A very very important thing that the city teaches you is accepting and respecting cultural diversity and that is what came handy in this new country.  I see myself as more experimentative with people and more receptive to new culture.

My six year old daughter once was asked to compare which one is better? USA or Mumbai. She very wisely answered saying USA doesn't have anything great that Mumbai doesn't have, except better roads and a bigger house.

I believe every city that you live, leaves a little bit of it's flavour in you. But Mumbai is my essense. I am happy that I could dream and see my dreams come true in that city of dreams. Would love to return to the base to be with those lovely friends and neighbours.

Till then. Amchi Mumbai ........

I would end this blog with few lines from one of my favourite songs from the movie namaste London..

"Main jahan rahu, kahi bhi rahu,

Teri yaad saath hai,

Kisi se kahoon ya nahin kahoon,

Yeh jo dil ki baat hai,

Kehne ko saath apne yeh dooniya chalti hai

Par chhoop ke is dil mein tanhai rehti hai

Teri yaad saath hai...."

Luv u my city.......