I THANK ALL MY CRITICS

I Thank all my Critics

I am a huge fan of Bollywood and I grew up watching a lot of Indian Films Awards Ceremonies. If you have watched some of these ceremonies, you would have heard this sentence: ‘ I thank all my Critics”. I often wondered as to how can criticism be a motivating factor in any one’s life. I am sure you would have stumbled upon criticism in your life. Give it a thought, has it motivated you more than a praise?

A core psychological phrase- praise more than criticize- may be inflated. Studies show that criticism can be even more powerful motivator. Let me quote some examples  here: famous Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachhan was criticized for his heavy voice and today industry pays millions to him just for lending his voice in a movie. Another Bollywood movie star Shah Rukh Khan was criticized saying, he wouldn’t be a great actor as he doesn’t look romantic. Well, he is the king of Romance of Indian Film Industry.  University of Exeter study found that criticism or taunting from opposing fans make players play better. A praise can motivate you, but when you are told you are not worthy, or you can’t, it will most definitely spark up a desire to prove them wrong. This is how a criticism has motivated you. The level to which you run after it differs from person to person and who has criticized you will also determine whether you will take it to the next level or not.

There is a school of thought that also suggests to not to pay attention to critics as they will always have something to say, and one cannot waste their life in keep proving them wrong. I totally agree to this school of thought, but I am sure you all would agree that whether we like it or not those taunting words of our critics do stay in our subconscious. Let’s listen to those words, they are not the words of random people, they are the words of your own close circle of people who affect us, and it is human to get affected by the words of people who hold some position in our lives.  We all have become resilient to those random people who pass unsolicited judgement on us. But how do we deal with these critics who come in the face of a friend, a teacher, a relative or a family member. Here’s the answer:

THANK them and be grateful for their existence. Had they not been there, you wouldn’t have reached where you reached. They were the one’s throwing stones at you to make your own path. They were the one’s who made you value love, kindness, friendship, gratitude and support. Had it not been those critics and their well fabricated comments, that we see so many stars rising from ashes.

No matter who you are and which field you are in, when you have a dream, there will be dream crushers. They come as a part and parcel with the dream. Studies show that with everyone person that believes in you, comes, one who does not believe in you and doubt your dreams. Embrace them with grace. Not everyone you meet will not like you, not everyone will think bad of you, not everyone will want to put you down. So, when you meet someone like this, keep them, be grateful as they have also motivated you as much if not more than a praise.

Today, I take this opportunity to THANK ALL MY CRITICS. Had it not been your stones, I wouldn’t have made this path for myself. I thank you for criticizing my bad grades as teachers and fellow students, I wouldn’t have been a University Topper in MBA. Thank you for criticizing me as a weak person, I wouldn’t have shown impeccable strength in my life. Thank you criticizing on my weight, I wouldn’t have led such a healthy lifestyle of working out ever since I was 15. Thank you for criticizing on my choice to leave my career and concentrate on my kids, I wouldn’t have this strong bond with my kids. Thank you for criticizing me as being just a MOM, I couldn’t have realized my own strength that A hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world. Today, after founding Success Surfers I feel like I touch the lives of my students just because I am a MOM and understand them just the way they are.

I do not say that all I am is because of my critics, but these are some important criticism which did make a mark. I am sure you all would have faced such criticism in some way or the other at some point in time. Value it to the extent that it does not crush your self-confidence. If it tries to harpen your confidence, close your eyes and turn deaf to such people. Then they are not true critics.  

Enjoy your critics as much as you value your believers. The people who like you would always take time out for you, but the critics take time out for you even when they don’t like you!!

SHE DOES NOTHING

 

SHE DOES NOTHING

I watched a few mainstream Indian movies lately, not only was I pleasantly surprised but also inspired to pen down some thoughts.

The movies broadly have a pattern of showing girls running away from the traditional marriage system and daring to follow their dreams or I must say daring to take a bold step. Well, some may condemn it saying it is an undue influence of the west. I would rather call it as a much-needed practical step for a fruitful life.

Think of it, when we are raising our daughters, we teach them to be fearful, ask them to speak for themselves, in my case, I had to get a professional master’s Degree and have a career. I am sure I am not the only one, we all would be have had these milestones to achieve when we were growing up. Never did I hear my parents or my friend’s parents say that “It’s OK, don’t bother for lower grades, your grades don’t matter”. In fact, be it Engineering, Medicine or Management us females have shown our competencies.

So, when all of this is there, why do we still need such strong female centered movies? What is it that has not yet changed? Here’s my answer and Its my opinion.

What has not changed is the mentality of the society when that same girl gets married. It is yet taken as the girl going to a boy’s house whereas, she is working, capable of having a house of her own and capable to pay her bills. She chooses to co-exist because of the love, sadly, the social pressure starts, even if the couple has a separate place (I mean the boy not staying with his parents) it is not her house, believe me, that is till her in-laws place. Her parents place is also no more her house, that’s her out laws place. So where is her place? Again, a reminder, we are talking about those highly educated girls whose parents did give them family values to make a family and not break it.

Let’s take a step further and try and look closely in this girl’s life: After marriage and the social pressure comes another duty of mother hood which a female would always want to take up. But it’s not that simple in our society. There would be two reactions, if she prefers to work after the kids, the in-laws might hop in with her to take care of the child and then she has to surrender her entire life in the guilt that they are handling her child.  Not to mention, that the word spreads out to the same society that’ She does Nothing”. The second probability would be to leave the job and listen those taunting remarks from her Mother in Law who herself would be stay at home mom. But again, the word spreads to society “She does Nothing”. There is a third and a new probability, she decides to chose work and not to have a baby. Again, the word spreads to the society, “She Does Nothing.” So, in either of the case “She Does Nothing”.

This won’t end here, let me stretch it further. Now, that girl has a child and she also leaves her work to take care of her child. She decides to take a break from mainstream career and nurtures her family, which I believe is the most rewarding career. Also not to mention that she has been told to take responsibilities of her kids on her own, and BLAH BLAH BLAH..

After all this, she bears it, and now her kids are of a manageable age and she is trying to look back in to her life. we females never forget the pains our parents took to educate us and always feel that we shouldn’t let it go waste. I am sure all you females agree with me that we always want to get back to our small little career or work which gives us a fulfillment that we did do something of our education.

Let’s get back to the life of our girl here. Can we say that she and her husband both have together created this small world where both gave hard sacrifices? They sacrificed their dinner dates, her career, him just working long hours to sustain the family, and so on. The list is endless, but what is counted in our Indian system is that the boy is running the house. The girl: “She Does Nothing”.

Now comes the twist, as soon as the kids are of a manageable age, naturally, the in-laws would come, they want to stay with their son, why, because it is their house. Mind You, it wasn’t the case when the kids were sick, when they were running around and real help was needed. But now as the storm is settled, they can move in. I am sure no female would disagree if this is an organic move, but when it is projected as a right and not a wish every one would have a problem. I still know  of so many parents of girls who prefer to stay in their boundaries when it comes to their daughter's married life. 

Think of this girl’s life, she would be thinking of finally enjoying those few hours of faux freedom from that tight routine of kids and this happens.

I am sure all women can relate to this story. So, coming back to why these movies? The answer is that the directors are wanting to change the ending of this story. They are wanting that girl to remember the lessons of equality and freedom which she learnt while she was growing up and I feel they should make such movies up until the thought process of the boy and the parents change. They should understand that they need to cut the cord with the boy just as much as they want the girl’s parent to cut the cord with her. Or else, be prepared for more of these movies. The world is moving towards equality.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we shouldn’t take care of the parents. In fact, I feel we should take care of both the sets of parents, but this system of hopping in and then ruling is not possible. The girl needs a place or a house which belongs to her, which she runs and manages. She is worth it.  Let her decide how she wants to take care of you. There is tremendous amount of research backing up the concept of personal space. Let us respect that for one and all. 

This is another phase of women’s liberation. One generation of girls fought to go to school and be literate, the other fought to be educated, the third fought to be financially independent and this one is fighting to be treated as equal and have her own space and freedom.

All I can say is that if this mentality does not change, the next generation moms would teach their daughters not to get married or not to have kids.For once, let's not blame the west but start to look within and try and change our beliefs. I would end it with these words of Gandhi:

Disclaimer: All the Characters are fictional. Any resemblance to a person or an event will be a coincidence.