happy children's days...

Cant complain,"my hands are full", they are filled with joy

 

 Oh! I still remember those days when I used to get scared by listening to people making a big deal about having two kids. I always thought them to be super achievers and super moms. But here I am today with my two lovely daughters and don’t feel any of those cribbing to be true. This makes me think as to how does this happen. I often heard moms saying,’with two you don’t get time for anything’. If you ask me, I feel I get more time to myself than what I used to get earlier; as my older daughter now has her sister as her company and I am relieved. I don’t say that what the other mothers say is an exaggeration, but I certainly feel that my grueling studies of management for five years has helped me to strike a perfect balance between the two important aspect of my lives i.e. ME and MY KIDS.

Let me now compare parenting to a management project which needs to be completed on a six sigma level. I would say so because my kids are my most valuable projects and my pride. So in order to manage effectively we need to plan, organize, delegate and supervise. I believe that in order to raise kids perfectly without getting stressed, we definitely need these four things. By planning I mean, planning for the future of your kids as well as yourself. We have often seen that for some parents it is very important that their kid scores well always, where as for some others it should be that the kid has to be well dressed always and so on and so forth. So basically, subconsciously we all plan what we want from our children when they grow up but we haven’t consciously thought about it. When we start putting these ideas on a piece of paper, we get the outline of the actual characteristics of what we expect our children to have. I always prefer spending most of the time with them whenever they are free. Because for me, that bond counts and as per my plan I feel I want them to be stronger morally and ethically than other wise. So this becomes my primary goal.

We all know that we have limited time and resources. For me to be able to spend time with them I have outsourced housekeeping to maids. I shall focus on my prime goal which is to be with my kids and the household chores can be delegated and supervised. In this way I ensure that the quality is maintained. This reduces the stress because you are focusing on your prime KRA. Lemme simplify with an example. Suppose if we call guest for the dinner, we have a cook who has cooked the food or we order from outside. It so happens that the food doesn’t taste that great. Who is blamed? Simple, either the cook (maid) or the restaurant. Now let’s take another case, where the food is good but the kids don’t behave well. The maid is running around after them, trying to make them sit at a place and they are running around. Now whom would the guest blame? The maid (baby sitter) or the mother? I guess the later is true. No one would say “maid hasn’t taught anything”. Hence, my point here is that helping hand is available for all tasks but one has to chose wisely as to for which task you want to outsource. Thanks to my management lessons, I could figure out that never take help in your prime KRAs or else your appraisal would be affected. 

Planning and delegating also help in managing time well. It is always advisable to keep all the tasks as important but not urgent. I shall quote my example, I always keep all the watches and clocks 20 mins early and I reach everywhere 15 mins early. I would like to include the parreto’s 80:20 rule here. In simple word parreto’s rule says that in order to do a task well and on time perfectly always focus on those 20% aspect of your entire task which gives 80% of the result. I only schedule the eat and the sleep times of my kids and the rest falls in place. Once they are well slept and well fed, they would play well and it I bet you would want to spend more time with them.

All of this was the technical aspect. But, we are dealing with humans and not projects and that to the most important people of our lives. I bet no mother would feel them to be a burden unless she thinks it is not her job to raise them. Kids do not require I pad, and I phone but they require that “I” that is.” Us”, and if we are there with them then believe me they don’t even care of ipads…

So I would conclude saying I feel that there isn’t anything like a “super mom”, but if we plan our duties well we certainly would have “Super kids.” parenting can be super fun if done efficiently. Today I certainly feel indebted to God for giving me such lovely angels. Feel truly blessed.

Happy children’s day.

Festivals oh festivals…….

 

I remember my granny saying one thing: ‘a man who does not respect festivals, loses his own respect.’ I never really understood why she said this but now today I can connect to what she meant. We are social animals and need to be connected to our roots. A human would definitely need company of another human. I do understand that in India we are overloaded with festivals but then we are also offloaded with some of the major lifestyle diseases like depression, anxiety, stress and so on. 

Have we ever pondered as to why we are healthier mentally than those in the west? I thought of connecting some dots. Let me know if it makes sense to you as well. Ever since I understood American or the British economy, I found that those economies strive to make an individual self sufficient. That is; if you do not have a job- you claim unemployment. If you are retired, in Britain, you get pension. What all of this implies is that you need not depend on some other HUMAN. To make it simpler, let me rephrase saying, parents need not depend on kids and kids need not depend on parents. You don’t need to depend on neighbors as a call to 911 is enough to get you out of any difficulty. All this makes a human self sufficient but lonely. 

Now tell me one thing, today you are working and you get promoted, the first thing that comes to your mind is to share it with someone. But in such economies what happens is that all you can share with are those temporary friends that you work with. Because you have lost the touch of the real ones as you no longer need them. Now can you call 911 and share your happiness or can you claim it from the government? The answer is NO. 

We cannot replace human relations with materials and those who have tried to do it, have failed miserably. We have festivals in India so that we get-together, talk to each other, share our joys and sorrows and learn to grow. Even the delicious food that we eat also has a deep down reason. Ever heard people talking about ‘comfort food’? Yes food does relax your brain. Our ancient Rishis were very wise, they had thought of the stressful times and so designed our festivals where in we make delicious festivities and relax our brain indirectly. That is why we still don’t need a drink always to relax ourselves.What is God or spirituality? In the end it is our own connection with our soul and the supreme self. the festivals are nature's or GOD's way of keeping us healthy, rooted and bonded to each other.

 Hence, the festivities are good occasionally, they are there to make us happy mentally and be more charged up. We should thank our economy indirectly that we are not yet so self sufficient or 911 dependent, that we are still connected to humans and not technologies.

So let's enjoy the festivals with a large heart and yes do not over indulge but little bit is needed and keeps us going as well…

 

expectation from expectations....

Have we ever thought how much degree of expectation is a reasonable one? How much to expect from expectations? The maxim of today’s world is “don’t expect and live free”. Even then we are recording the highest attrition at work place and divorces in personal life..

Why does an employee leave a job? Is it only a better opportunity of is it a mismatch in expectations. Why isn’t there a maxim like, “don’t deliver and live free”. Now lets imagine if these both were to be true, what our life would be?

An employee would work, but not expect the salary and as he is not expecting anything he would not deliver. How long would this system work. This is a delirious situation in professional as well as personal life. Think of a situation when a husband would say I believe in not expecting anything out of me and the wife would say I believe in not delivering. Can any institution work like this? Be it house or organization, they are fated to fall.

So, we learn that expectations are important to keep the world going. This world runs on give and take, or let me put it in a  sophisticated way, “reciprocation”. This is the only constant thing since the barter system in the olden times. The forms of reciprocation have changed but it has not faded. With reciprocation comes expectation. 

An employee works for money because that is what he wants at that point of time and the organizations wants progress and work to be done from the employee at that point of time. Now what would happen if the organization only gives work to the employee and no money, and employee takes only money and does not deliver? There is an expectation gap. This leads to the attrition. It looks very simple but the results are dangerous. One employee leaving the organization means giving rise to the cost of recruiting and training the new one and also risk of losing your secrets to the other organization through the employee who resigned.

In my opinion the cause of all the problems is expectation gap and solution coming to my mind is very simple. Try and deliver according to other persons expectations. Looks simple; but believe me great people and organizations fail in it. If an employee is expecting a pay rise and you reward him a promotion then there is an expectation gap. Similarly, organization wants the employee to take more responsibilities and he talks of over time or shuns from it; then there is a certain expectation gap. 

 

Even in domestic situation this happens, let us take for an example, there are two friends,John and Ross. John helps Ross with money when he needed it. Now let us look at it from Ross’s angle. How should Ross meet John’s expectation as a friend? Would he expect him to also help him monetarily? The probable answer is No; because we render help in the areas where we are over flooded. If John is providing monetary help to Ross then it means that he has enough with him that he can give. So for Ross to settle the expectation bridge, he has to find what John needs and then help him in that. That’s true Expectation Management.

Hence, let’s remember the problem starts when we are delivered the same thing what we had once shared. The simple reason we gave was that we could give. We always expect what we lack.

If all of us remember in our mind to deliver the way other person wants; then I am sure this carefree virus in the atmosphere would end and we would have responsible relationships both at workplace and personal life.

So my friends don't be affraid of other person's expectations, just try and deliver as per other person's expectations and you also shall get what you expect, the way you expect. This is the essense of a true relationship.